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You know what else is a good solution? Having your partner do some damn work and put in the time to learn about what you like in bed without electronic help. Sex toys can be a great addition to a couples' bedroom repertoire, but too often, women have the vibrator foisted upon them as the panacea for their orgasmic woes. I squirmed and I squealed and I ran down the batteries. Ultimately, the large purple vibrator he selected didn’t do it for me either. Even the well-groomed gay salesman took me up as a personal challenge: “Well, we’re going to have to fix that for you!” It sounded dauntingly familiar. One friend insisted we go on a field trip to Babeland.
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Though the writer enjoyed using the toy, it did not give her the results she looked for. Inevitably, a vibrator is suggested as the ultimate solution. Take one Cosmopolitan article entitled "I Married Someone Even Though He Never Gave Me an Orgasm," in which the author describes her quest to sexual satisfaction. In conversations about improving the sex lives of women, the vibrator often takes precedence over a focus on communication with one's partner - especially if that partner happens to be a man.
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The vibrator helped countless women figure out what they like and how to get it.īut I do think it's problematic that women seem to be expected to rely on them for orgasm, even in the context of relationships. The vibrator has been an extremely important piece in the puzzle of female sexuality. I just don't find them sexy.ĭon't get me wrong - I love that women love vibrators.
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The buzzing sensation seems clinical and reminds me of lying in the dentist's chair getting my teeth electronically cleaned. For me, they're too intense (even on lower settings) and too, well, mechanical for my liking. I gave up and resorted to my trusted hands-on method.Ī large part of my distaste for vibrators is the way that they feel. The pulsing of the electricity lacked subtlety and, even when switching between intensities, was too one-note to hold my interest. My first vibrator experience - and all subsequent attempts thereafter - felt clunky and awkward and, well, boring. After all, I'd been led to believe that I had the Holy Grail of orgasms in my hands. Once I got it home, I was pretty excited to try my new toy. So many of the other vibrators had weird appendages that made them look like creatures from low-budget science fiction movies. I picked it out because it was inexpensive, but also because it was the least sci-fi-looking to me. The vibrator I decided on was fairly run-of-the-mill, vaguely penis-shaped, and blue. I wondered if there was a new level of solo-sex I could reach with the help of a toy. well, let's just say it was not the key to my newfound sexual satisfaction.Īlthough I'd always been just fine without one, vibrators intrigued me because so many women I knew spoke of loving them. Getting drunk on red wine often ended up with me crying in the living room, and the vibrator. Neither of these strategies was particularly successful. This was the start of a period of self-proclaimed 'reinvention,' in which I intended to gain control of my spiraling depression by doing exciting, single-girl things like purchasing vibrators and getting drunk on red wine. I bought my one and only vibrator on a trip to the sex shop Babeland during my junior year of college. Which is exactly why I defend my right not to enjoy vibrators so vehemently. I'm a strong advocate for female pleasure, and I want us all to live in a sex-positive environment. In reality, none of those things are true. Often, when I say I don't like vibrators, women seem to assume that I simply haven't tried one, or that I tried the wrong one, or that I have old-fashioned views about female sexuality. I certainly don't think so, but some women seem to disagree. Does that make me weird? Prudish? Anti-feminist? But I don't like them - and I never have. Women are supposed to love vibrators both for their sensation, and for the sexual liberation that comes with taking pleasure into your own hands. Every "Have the Best Sex Ever" advice column produced by a generic woman's publication invariably includes an item extolling the virtues of the vibrator.